Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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