She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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