used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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