her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
