Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
