just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
