I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
