I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
