I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
