Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
