the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
