Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
