Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
