I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
