he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
