so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
