i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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