Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
