every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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