you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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