I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
