Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
