wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
