wanna go halves on a baby?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize