She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
