apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
