ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
