Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize