You can't special order awesome
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your cock deserves a montage
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
