we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
