If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
