Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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