Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
