I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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