HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
