He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
