She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The air was thick with penises
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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