I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
