You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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