: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
