I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
