i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
