South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
