I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
