I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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