The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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