yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize