So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
