So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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