I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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