You can't motorboat a personality
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
