Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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