it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
