I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
