so explain again why im purple
no
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
