I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
