Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
