if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
