spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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