as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
