No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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