Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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