Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
