if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize