I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think my vagina is haunted
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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