You're completely useless in the revolution.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
