Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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