He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
