Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
